Seeing Blind

I have this theory that you can be fully aware of something, watching intently even, and not really see what is going on. I can sit and watch people interact and interpret the situation incorrectly. I can look at data on a page and not understand a since digit. We all see blindly on occasion. Next week I will see my mother. I will be able to hug her, make breakfast, and talk casually while sipping hot tea. God I love my momma. She is my best friend, someone I love to talk to and feel that I have to clear every major decision with before making it. Next week I will see her, but I won't really see her. I won't allow myself to see how much weaker she is since the last time I saw her or how her foot twitches uncontrollably. I won't allow myself to see how much pain she is in because I can't deal with it. I can't really see her for fear that I will sob. I need to be strong for her and focus on what we have now, what we can share now. I love building memories with her, and I love our shared laughter. Sometimes seeing blind is my only saving grace.