Visiting Friends

My friend Robert is coming into town from Missouri in the wee hours of morning, so technically tomorrow morning. I am SO excited to see him. Unsure of specific plans- but it is guaranteed that we will be talking up a storm. Robert is so insightful and a wonderful listener, and I award him the same courtesies. We have shared journal entries and poems. He is one of the best friends I have ever had, and I am more than thrilled he will be here for three whole days. The last time he was here with five other people, so we didn't have time to talk like we normally do. I will have him all to myself this time... and he is going to be meeting a couple people who are very important to me. I can't wait to hug him...

Seeing Blind

I have this theory that you can be fully aware of something, watching intently even, and not really see what is going on. I can sit and watch people interact and interpret the situation incorrectly. I can look at data on a page and not understand a since digit. We all see blindly on occasion. Next week I will see my mother. I will be able to hug her, make breakfast, and talk casually while sipping hot tea. God I love my momma. She is my best friend, someone I love to talk to and feel that I have to clear every major decision with before making it. Next week I will see her, but I won't really see her. I won't allow myself to see how much weaker she is since the last time I saw her or how her foot twitches uncontrollably. I won't allow myself to see how much pain she is in because I can't deal with it. I can't really see her for fear that I will sob. I need to be strong for her and focus on what we have now, what we can share now. I love building memories with her, and I love our shared laughter. Sometimes seeing blind is my only saving grace.

The Shit Hit the Fan

This last week I almost quit my job. I was placed on a 90 day Written Warning. A high profile client was upset with the policy they chose and I served as a scapegoat because I delivered bad news to a patient. Giving bad news is part of our job when dealing within the policies of a plan and prescription coverage. I did nothing wrong on the call and the patient did not submit a complaint regarding the customer service I provided, but because of his plan limitations. The client is now threatening to leave our company and I suppose the higher ups in our company wanted someone's head to roll, and it happened to be mine.
When my supervisor gave me the news, I was devastated and livid. I have never been told on any job that I was not performing well enough. I also had no Verbal Warning so jumping ahead to a Written was completely unjustified. I told my supervisor it was bullshit and said I would need to start looking for another job. I will not work for a company that is willing to place that amount of blame on me when I was doing my job as I had been trained. I give 100 % to this job and felt like I had been slapped in the face. I left work early because I was so upset and couldn't sleep that night.
The next morning they told me based on my reaction the amount of time was reduced to a 30 day Written Warning. That is when I fought back. I printed out the call history showing 3 other people told the patient the same answer I did and a training manual showing "help people within plan parameters." I talked to a manager, stated my case, and after talking to the call center director-- won.
I am no longer on a Written, but now doubt our company and in house politics. Can I really trust management now? Probably not.

Shift Bids

Our company goes through shift bids every 6 months to accomodate call flow and to make sure we are appropriately staffed. We are ranked according to our job performance and attendance. The rank you receive determines when you get to chose your shift in line. For example, if you are 7 out of a possible 21, you get the 7th pick out of your queue. So basically, 6 other people have the opportunity to take the shift that you want.
We started going through this process in October of last year, so it's very new to the call center. The first time it occurred many people left because they couldn't adjust their schedules. People have busy lives with day care, college, traffic commute... or maybe you just want something simple like Sundays off to watch football during the season or two days off in a row.
People were furious last time with the implementation and my rank didn't help. I was number one with nothing to worry about except for the chiding way my co-workers treated me. Much to my surprise, I am number one again. I am by no means the "best" on my team. Every one of us has strengths in certain areas, that is why we are all supervisors. My stats are high and my attendance is perfect (well, not really but it ends up that way on the books). The score has to be based strictly on numbers in order to be efficient.
The whole process seems cold even though I understand the need for it. People hate change, and having a job that forces it so frequently sucks. The anxiety will return 6 months from now, and six months from then, until I grow some brains and find another job.

What a bummer!

I am working 8 hours of overtime today but that isn't actually what I am going to complain about. I woke up this morning in a terrific mood, the sun was shining through my windows and the weather was just... perfect. I just came back from a cigarette break and storm clouds are looming. I LEFT MY WINDOWS OPEN IN MY APARTMENT! Not just a little bit open either, there is at least a foot of availability for the rain to drench my carpet, tv, curtains... sigh. Oh well. And the worst part is that I am not supposed to be at work today until 6 o'clock at night, possibly 7 if needed. I am supposed to be eating breakfast with my girlfriend Sydney. (I need money though). And no one has keys to my place to shut the windows for me. Hopefully the rain won't come in at an angle. I wish I didn't worry so much...

Slightly Retarded Cousin of the Horse

Have you ever looked at a donkey? They are by far the most amusing animals on this planet. They are strong, stubborn, and relaxed. They have bloated bellies and big eyes- they just aren't pretty. Go ahead and google the word DONKEY. I dare you...