Out of the Blues

On my previous post, I was very sad and a bit on the hopeless side. Let me tell you what I did to make myself happy again. I LEFT WORK! I hate my job and I simply could not take a full 8 hours. My head was pounding and there was absolutely no compassion in my voice. I left after half of my shift and laid in bed. Brent took care of me Friday night and was incredibly sweet to me, not even knowing the sadness that was plaguing me. He didn't read the post until the next day. I think he just sensed how unhappy I was and snuggled with me and made me giggle. Saturday I spent the day with my roommate and her friend Beth. We made breakfast and played Mario Kart. We talked about guys and shared old stories. Things women do. We hung up pictures in the livingroom making me feel instantly at home and content. They are photographs of Duluth, Minnesota that I took last fall. I blew them up and framed them, nature has always comforted me. I went out shopping at Target and for groceries that evening by myself and browsed. That night I watched a movie with Brent. On Sunday I went swimming, read my book outside in the sunshine, made myself breakfast and cleaned up around the apartment. Now I have canvas prints on my walls of bright, colorful flowers. I also hung some mirror panels and a Van Gogh print. My room makes me smile now. In short, everything I did this weekend brightened my spirits. I did things I enjoy.

Sadness

My heart hurts. It seems full of sorrow and unwilling to cope. I am a strong person but strength only endures when it is determined to do so. I have lost that determination. I have lost the focus of taking care of myself. I need to embrace what makes me happy on an individual level. Read. Walk. Laugh. Play. Kiss. Write.

Nintendo DS

Okay, so I got an awesome present. Friday is our one year anniversary and Brent and I decided to buy ourselves a new toy. We split the cost on a Nintendo DS and two new games- one Mario and Big Brain Academy. If you are gaming ignorant, a Nintendo DS is a sophisticated Game Boy with two screens, one is a touch screen. I have never been a pro at gaming so Mario is challenging me... but it is so cool! The graphics are awesome and it combines a lot of features from previous gaming systems like climbing walls, turning into MiniMario, and all kinds of stuff. I am used to the old school Mario, I can hear the old familiar tune in my head! I thought it was awesome. Well, the new game is hot. The Brain Age Academy is like having a fitness center for your mind. I adore it. It tests you in categories. I am truly skilled at Memorization but need serious work in Thinking. I am sure that is not a big surprise! Anyway, the more you practice the skills, the better you do on tests and your brain mass grows. It's sound logic. I have always been an advocate of old people playing Chess or working cross word puzzles to keep their minds active, well, this game is brain food for all! I never would have thought of myself as a person that would like video games enough to want a portable gaming system... but man is it fun!

Thank you for Not Smoking

I quit smoking. I am okay reporting this since it's been a full week now. I don't want them anymore. I still go outside to the smoking area on my break but just enjoy the sunshine. I don't experience the urgent need to wash my hands when I come back in either...! It seems odd to not stop at the gas station for smokes or casually smoke on the drives to and from work. And I was so excited about having a balcony to smoke outside at my new apartment! I have only been tempted once in the past week. Brent and I had Gin and Tonics and I felt like smoking, but that's been it. I am surprised by my lack of true addition but grateful for it at the same time. I'm done!

Feeling At Home

I have finally been able to catch up with my new roomie. It’s Sunday evening and for the past few hours I have been sitting around talking to Syd while she unpacks. We moved the living room furniture around and it just feels cozy. I love it. I still need to unpack knick-knacks but they can stay in a box for a while as far as I am concerned. I’ve done a load of laundry and eaten dinner. Now I am going to relax on the sofa and watch a movie. I love nights like this… balancing your checkbook, catching up on email, talking with friends- it’s peaceful. I already have my outfit picked out for work in the morning. Tomorrow is a big day. I have an interview so the new suit comes out to play. LOL. I like having everything set up to avoid stress in the morning. That is something I established while living alone and I will never give it up. I even pack my lunch the night before! So it really is home, just different. Now I hear noises other than my own like the shower running, music softly playing in Sydney’s room, or a muffled phone conversation. But it’s good. It feels like home.

MOVED!!

I am moved in and settled, it feels great to have a balcony and feel like part of a "community." Sydney is hopefully moving the rest of her stuff in tonight... excitement is all around!!