When you live in an Urban area, you never expect to be without electricity for over an hour. It is practically unheard of. At this point, it has been nearly 3 days for my family located in NW Minneapolis. There are still 40,000 Excel Energy customers without power. There are over 3 million people living in the Twin Cities, and we are a percentage of the unfortunate without power.
We lost hundreds of dollars of groceries, put out over a hundred on necessary supplies, and do not anticipate getting electricity back for 2 more days. Our home is very hot in the summer weather with no means of cooling it down and we have two very young kids.
The bright side is – no electricity! You are forced to talk to one another. You are forced to cooperate toward a common goal. Your fridge is ridiculously easy to clean when it’s bare!
The downside is – no electricity! Baby Anna is sweating at night. Alex is scared at night and wonders why we won’t turn on his fan. We are surrounded by homes with generators so there is an ever-present HUMMMMM! You have to charge your portable electronics when and where you can. You have to give the kids a bath by the light of a lantern… no windows in the bathroom.
More downsides than positive, but this June is definitely going down in the Johnson history book.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Coming Down
After Anna was born, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. It took me a few months to accept that I was no longer in control of my emotions. I remember the night I admitted I had a problem. I was giving Alex a bath and he was being naughty. I was losing my patience with him and telling him loudly to stop acting up. I remember looking down, breathing in deeply a few moments, and then all of a sudden splashing him! I wanted to help him snap out of the mood by doing something unexpected and fun. Brent came running in from the living room with a scared look on his face. Alex and I both looked up at him with smiles on our faces like, “What do you want?” Brent’s ashen look was haunting me so I asked him about it later that night. He said, “Well, you were upset and then everything got quiet. Then lots of splashing. I thought the worst.” When my hand flew to my mouth in shock, Brent simply stated “Sad mommies do things they don’t mean to.” I made a doctor’s appointment the next morning.
As I talked it over with my long-time doctor, I realized how sad, angry, and bitter I had become. I was not seeing joy in life, except with my kids. I was distant with my family and friends. I was very angry with Brent and very easily irritated. Brent suffered the worst of it, I yelled at him loudly and often for things he was doing that had never bothered me before. I was thinking too often about blurting out words like, “I would rather do this on my own” or “I want a divorce!” My relationship with Anna was not suffering. I had completely and totally bonded with her. I would sit and cry thinking how beautiful she was, how perfect my little angel was. But I will admit that I couldn’t just sit and snuggle her… I was too distracted by chores that needed to be done. The chores would anger me because I was doing EVERYTHING and then I would blow up. It was a terrible, vicious cycle.
I always thought that postpartum meant you didn’t bond with your baby and were sad. For me, it was anxiety, anger, low energy, and Anhedonia (not experiencing pleasure in basic things). After I started taking medication to treat my symptoms, it still took me weeks to admit that I actually needed them and if my diagnosis was correct.
Once the meds kicked in, I felt great! I thought they were working too well; I was kind of hyper and had lots of energy. At my first follow-up, the doctor described since I was still having a range of emotions meaning I was still feeling irritable or sad when appropriate… I just wasn’t used to being happy. I just started crying out of relief. I had a tough pregnancy with Anna. I hadn’t felt good in over a year!
These past few years have been challenging. A difficult pregnancy, postpartum depression, and now coming down off the medication. SSRI’s have a long half life so they will not be fully out of my system until early July. I feel more and more like myself. I have always been a happy girl. I find joy in life and enjoy people. The trouble is; I have been excusing any and all bad behavior because I have postpartum depression. Now that I have been successfully treated, I won’t be able to do that. I will have to deal with my temper like everyone else. When I feel that all-too-familiar heat rise to my face, I have to suck it up and deal with it. Before, there was no controlling it. I had rage. Having two small kids can be so challenging, but I am enjoying it. I love coming home in the evenings to my family. I love my husband and am thoroughly enjoying all of the perks of being married again. Anna will be 1 next month, and I have faith that only good is yet to come.
As I talked it over with my long-time doctor, I realized how sad, angry, and bitter I had become. I was not seeing joy in life, except with my kids. I was distant with my family and friends. I was very angry with Brent and very easily irritated. Brent suffered the worst of it, I yelled at him loudly and often for things he was doing that had never bothered me before. I was thinking too often about blurting out words like, “I would rather do this on my own” or “I want a divorce!” My relationship with Anna was not suffering. I had completely and totally bonded with her. I would sit and cry thinking how beautiful she was, how perfect my little angel was. But I will admit that I couldn’t just sit and snuggle her… I was too distracted by chores that needed to be done. The chores would anger me because I was doing EVERYTHING and then I would blow up. It was a terrible, vicious cycle.
I always thought that postpartum meant you didn’t bond with your baby and were sad. For me, it was anxiety, anger, low energy, and Anhedonia (not experiencing pleasure in basic things). After I started taking medication to treat my symptoms, it still took me weeks to admit that I actually needed them and if my diagnosis was correct.
Once the meds kicked in, I felt great! I thought they were working too well; I was kind of hyper and had lots of energy. At my first follow-up, the doctor described since I was still having a range of emotions meaning I was still feeling irritable or sad when appropriate… I just wasn’t used to being happy. I just started crying out of relief. I had a tough pregnancy with Anna. I hadn’t felt good in over a year!
These past few years have been challenging. A difficult pregnancy, postpartum depression, and now coming down off the medication. SSRI’s have a long half life so they will not be fully out of my system until early July. I feel more and more like myself. I have always been a happy girl. I find joy in life and enjoy people. The trouble is; I have been excusing any and all bad behavior because I have postpartum depression. Now that I have been successfully treated, I won’t be able to do that. I will have to deal with my temper like everyone else. When I feel that all-too-familiar heat rise to my face, I have to suck it up and deal with it. Before, there was no controlling it. I had rage. Having two small kids can be so challenging, but I am enjoying it. I love coming home in the evenings to my family. I love my husband and am thoroughly enjoying all of the perks of being married again. Anna will be 1 next month, and I have faith that only good is yet to come.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Sick and Nosebleeds
Why is it when I am down my nose insists on kicking me? I get nosebleeds when I am sick because my nasal passages get so dry. Gross, right? Here I am blowing my nose and then putting Aquafor in my nasal cavities with a Q-Tip and I STILL GET NOSEBLEEDS! What the hell?! Then, after the bleeding stops I am afraid to blow my nose. Then the clots come. It is all around a terrible experience for me and my fragile constitution.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Sterility
It is so odd knowing that there is a 99.8% chance that I will never get pregnant again. My uterus was x-rayed yesterday and the Essure procedure worked 3 months ago. My fallopian tubes are effectively blocked off. That means no more birth control, just enjoyment. I hate birth control pills. I am bad at taking them, the hormones make me gain weight, and the monthly cost/hassle is frustrating. We both hate condoms. Brent wasn’t too keen on the idea of a vasectomy so I agreed to Essure when I heard how easy the procedure is. It is an outpatient procedure and only caused mild cramping. I did have a back ache for about a month after the procedure, but the gynecologist had never heard of that being a side effect. Just figures that I would have that particular issue!
No more babies for us. We have two beautiful children that are loving and bright. The temptation is there to have more children, but in all practicality, I do not want to be out-numbered! There is something to be said for 2 kids and 2 adults! The world is built for a family of four.
I am just wondering if this is how men feel after they get snipped. I have lost some of my womanhood… I can no longer bear children. I didn’t expect that feeling and it is sure to fade.
No more babies for us. We have two beautiful children that are loving and bright. The temptation is there to have more children, but in all practicality, I do not want to be out-numbered! There is something to be said for 2 kids and 2 adults! The world is built for a family of four.
I am just wondering if this is how men feel after they get snipped. I have lost some of my womanhood… I can no longer bear children. I didn’t expect that feeling and it is sure to fade.
Friday, November 02, 2012
Brief!
It’s truly amazing how time flies. I have been through so much physically and mentally since Anna was born. The agony of not producing enough breast milk despite jumping through hoops, going back to work at a job I didn’t enjoy, and juggling more at home all while physically recovering from a tough pregnancy. Anna is 4 ½ months old now and is the sweetest little girl a mom could ask for. She has us all wrapped around her finger. Alex is madly in love with his sister, but he has been more challenging in general since her birth. I have been struggling with finding myself since her birth, but I am slowly coming around. I just started a new job and yoga… these things seem to be helping tremendously. I am in the mood to write, but want to get out of here as well. Family dinner tonight!
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