Memorial Day Weekend

We spent a lot of time with the Johnson Clan over Memorial Day weekend. First, we went out around noon on Saturday for a BBQ that afternoon.


Alex playing with his new drum.


Lee and Marlys enjoying the weather


The North Dakota Johnsons were able to come in for the holiday which is always fun.


Alex's first time in a wading pool. We didn't have his swim suit, but we made it work!


Alex and Ashley playing


Alex feeling out the grass


Grandma Sue and Sheri looking pretty


Playtime!


The three cousins. Alex clearly wanted to play, not take pictures!


On Sunday, Erik and Angie met us in New Hope to eat lunch at the Sunshine Factory. After that we packed and headed out to Chisago for an RV trip. The 3 of us joined Larry, Sue and Jessica and went to Shell Lake, Wisconsin.


Marty enjoying the ride out to Chisago on Sunday afternoon.


The ride out there was fun for all of us, especially Alex. He had lots to look at and everyone was playing with him!


It was gorgeous out that but rained all Sunday night. So... no bonfire! Not many great pictures from that first night because we were all trapped inside.


Jessica's odd choice of sleeping location.


The set-up


View from the RV


The shallow water was just beautiful. It was pretty warm but none of really wanted to go swimming.


Except for Marty! It was his first time swimming and he loved it!


And I leave you with this, a picture of my babies bum. He was tuckered out and slept in the back of the RV for a few hours on Monday morning. After he woke up, we did a little shopping and headed home. It was my first time traveling in an RV and I am sure it won't be my last!

A couple of thoughts for the New Year

1. Isn’t it lovely being a mother? I didn’t anticipate the pure joy a little one brings into your life. I cannot begin to express how much love has filled our home with the addition of Alex into our family. Brent and I are so blessed to have such a happy little guy.
2. Just breathe. Stress can come in so many different ways. Sometimes it hits all at once and causes a physical reaction. Sometimes it creeps in and takes you by surprise. However the delivery… just breathe. It will pass.
3. I’m worth it. I need to make time for me… to develop my interests and take care of myself. Just because I am a mom doesn’t mean I can’t have girl time… or time to scrapbook… or time to read. I am worth setting time aside for.
4. Let’s Get Physical! I have gained more weight than I care to admit since I have been in a happy, committed relationship with Brent. My tummy is gross. I am used to the big thighs and hips… but a tummy too! That won’t do!
5. Enjoy the small moments. Sometimes I work myself into a tizzy with all of the cleaning around the house or chores… and I forget to stop and enjoy the small things. And with Alex, there are so many precious moments to witness.

Some pictures from 2009:


Brent and I before a friends wedding over the summer.


I like to call this one "First man to man chat"

Tummy Time!

Marty being adorable

A big change for Alex and I

Alex and I are making a change. He was giving me all the signs that breastfeeding was no longer working for him... so on Monday evening we started the process of weaning. It has been seamless for Alex since he is well accustomed to eating formula... but I am a hot mess.

It is devastating knowing that I cannot keep up enough with him. It's the simple law of supply and demand. He can eat 10 ounces of formula at a time now... and when he nurses he only gets about 2 ounces. The last few weeks Alex has only been able to nurse about 5-7 minutes, and then he snoozes. I switch breasts and the same thing happens. So basically, he was working really hard and exhausting himself. And he was left hungry. And since he was working so hard, I was left sore.

Since I wrote last, Alex and I found such a happy place breastfeeding. It was comforting for both of us and I miss it desperately. He would nurse, hang out for a little while, and then we would suppliment with formula. But the last several weeks he has just needed more than I can give. He needed more, sooner. I even tried eating seaweed soup (it is believed to increase milk supply in Korean cultures). But Alex is eating solids now and is just a hungry little guy. I can't help but feel inadequate. If I could supply more, we would still be nursing.

The pain in my breasts this week has been more than expected, but it's nothing compared to the emotions I am battling. Today they haven't been hurting as badly... and it is is killing me. That means my milk is drying up. That means this stage is almost over. That means I only have a day or two before I can't produce anything at all...

Brent says I should be proud of sticking with it even though we experienced so many challenges in the beginning. He says I have given Alex exactly what he needed. Now he just needs something else. And as I write that I know it's true but I am crying anyway. Is this normal?! I just feel so torn up about the whole thing.

I know it's the right decision but that doesn't make it easier. Women are not known for being rational. I won't lie and say the idea of wearing a normal bra and drinking a beer doesn't excite me... but this has been such a special time for us. It's our quiet time.

I have no doubt I will remember the simple pleasure of knowing I provided something so special to my son. I need to focus on the fact that some women don't have the opportunity to breastfeed at all and count myself fortunate for these past four and a half months.

Breast milk is best, but for how long?

I am sure the question of the duration of breastfeeding has plagued many mothers. Not because we don’t enjoy being milk cows, but because we want what is best for our children. Some doctors (and I am quite certain they must be men) recommend breastfeeding for the first two years of your child’s life. I am sorry but WHAT?! At that point the kid would be unbuttoning your shirt and everything. That is a bit much. My mom and I discussed this and she said, “Well, women in other countries breast feed their children for years.” I am sure they do in third world countries out of necessity… no means to do otherwise. America is different. Breastfeeding is all about “bonding” and “doing what is best for your baby.” Okay, well what if you don’t produce enough milk to solely breastfeed? What if your baby tolerates formula very well and is starting to be antsy at the breast like the food isn’t coming fast enough? Is it okay to “wean” the baby at that point?

Alex and I have struggled with feeding from day one. He was aggressive, I got injured by my breast pump, and I’ve never produced enough milk for him. I felt so terribly guilty about that at first, and still do at times, but I do what I can. I pump and breastfeed but his main intake is formula. He clearly likes breast milk from a bottle and loves to breastfeed. Most of the time. Lately he is becoming panicky while breastfeeding and doesn’t calm down enough to drink. I get frustrated. He stays frustrated. I end up giving him a bottle and pumping which completely derails my time to bond with my son.

This unfortunate pattern has occurred several times over the past few weeks and has got me wondering about when to toss in the towel. I simply don’t want to start looking at breastfeeding as a chore.

I know that Alex is at a disadvantage because he gets mainly formula, but a lot of women can’t – or choose not to – breastfeed at all. He’s had 3 months of about 12 ounces of breast milk a day. And believe me, I work hard for that amount! Since most women can produce 8 ounces in one pump session, my 12 ounces a day seems like a small number. But again, I work hard for it and am proud of it. I am proud of my dedication.

Alex is still a little guy and I don’t want to feel guilty about stopping but at the same time I want my body back. I just don’t want to be selfish in this. After all, being a mom automatically means you will sacrifice.

The length of time is personal to every woman. I have friends who breastfed from 6 weeks to 8 months. One of my friends chose not to breastfeed at all because she experienced so much pain initially. It’s a personal choice.

And for me, making a tough decision requires time and thinking out loud which is why I am asking other mothers what they think and writing about it. Are there any opinions out there worth sharing? I will make my own decision for what is best for Alex and I… but I always like to know what people are thinking. I simply don’t want to start looking at breastfeeding as a chore.

My little boy Alex...

Alex joined this world officially on 7/23/09 at 9 lbs, 4 oz. He is just beautiful!! The picture above was taken about 1 hour after Alex was born. We had a great birth experience (considering). Alex took his time in getting here and we had to be induced 5 days after the due date. Being induced is a strange thing because of the way childbirth is romanticized. I always imagined being woken up in the middle of the night, grabbing our overnight bag, and rushing to the hospital just in time to welcome our little bundle of joy. Well, this was nothing like that. We called the hospital to see if they had an extra bed since we were only 5 days late and considered "elective" and were on our merry way.

We arrived at the hospital at 7 AM and were told to wait for a room to clear because someone came in between the time we called and the time we arrived. We sat around the waiting room for hours and that was taking it's toll on me considering I was 9+ months pregnant and waiting rooms are not known for comfort. I was also told to eat a light breakfast and nothing else so all I had was toast and yogurt.... not much for being prego. We were admitted into our room at 10 AM. At 11 AM the doctor was able to get the ball rolling. It took about 20 minutes after the doctor broke my water and administered pitocin that the contractions started. After about 2.5 hours of back labor I was done and was ready for an epidural. The contractions were only 20-30 seconds apart and I was quickly losing all of my energy. I knew at that rate I would never be able to push effectively.

I wanted to have a natural birth but I will tell you one thing-- my birth experience went from insanely painful to letting my family join us in the room to wait until I was fully dilated. My dad's eyes were glued to the monitors and he was telling me when I was having contractions. He would say, "Oh! That was a BIG one!" Even I thought it was funny.

When the time came to push the family left and it was only Brent, a nurse named Jen, our doctor Kacey, and myself. I pushed for 2.5 hours and was constantly amazed at how wonderful my husband is. I asked for ice chips but only one or two at a time. He helped me focus on breathing which was awesome because I kept forgetting to do that. I only had one moment that was questionable-- I called him a chimp. Okay- I have to explain that one. I had an allergic reaction to the epidural and was itching like mad. I asked him, "Scratch my armpits Chimp!" You know, because Chimps groom and scratch one another. Weird. Anyway, I only cursed a few times much to my surprise. I was very cooperative and followed direction well. Again, the romanticized version of a out-of-control prego girl just didn't happen.

When it was time for Alex to arrive, the room was suddenly full of people. Brent was able to see him crown and at one point I had to stop pushing so they could unwrap the umbilical cord from Alex's head. That was very scary. Brent and I knew something was up because our doctor was talking to the nurse about how much the baby's heart dropped after each time I pushed. But in the end, Alex was born and they flopped him on my stomach. I didn't cry surprisingly at all that day, not during the pain and not from the joy of seeing my first born son. I was just in shock that it was really happening, that the day had finally come that I would meet my Peanut.

Over a month later, I gotta tell you that I love being a mom. It is the most wonderful experience to care for such a dependent little baby. I have gotten so excited in the past week because he coos now. He has characteristics, his hands are huge, and he always has toe lint. It's just been so much fun.

I will admit I was very overwhelmed at first. We struggled with breastfeeding, I lost my appetite, and I felt like I was in a fog. Just tired. I cried a lot but a lot of the time it was tears of joy at having such a beautiful, healthy son. Then one day the fog was just gone. I am so grateful for that. Now I have a clear head that knows how lucky I am to be part of such a loving family. I really hit the jack pot when I moved to Minnesota. I love my life.

Brent and I have created a blog just for Alex since our family is so spread out. Check it out for updates specific to Alex, the link to his site is on the right hand column.